The older I get, the more I see the wretchedness of my sin. The more I look at my reflection, the more I see the disfigurement that sin causes. I tend to look back at my life and see the callousness of my life then. A rebel. A lover of my sins. Someone who only cared for himself. Someone who hurt others for the sake of selfish gain. Materialistic to the core. I cared for only me. Being that I am now 40 years old, I often stop and examine my life now. At any given moment, the Lord can lay claim to my soul. When He does lay claim at that appointed time. How shall I stand before Him? I have often had dreams, nightmares of not being saved. My nightmares are often of myself as that character in John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress, who is in the Iron Cage. He lived his life in sin and did not take heed the warnings of the Gospel. So, the warnings ceased and the man’s judgment was eternally sealed. It was in this large iron cage the man lamented his life to Christian. He awaited that final judgment to be rendered. It would be that scene that would stand out to me and well, frighten me. Therefore, giving me nightmares, causing me to stop and observe my life.
I admit that the busyness of life has steered me off of late. I have not been in the Scriptures and in prayer as I should be and because of that I have been hit hard by the temptations of my mind. Thus, falling flat on my face. I like Christian has been given the proper instructions but then gets sidetrack by Worldy Wiseman. After the fact, I lament like he did. I often tend to want to trust myself, but that is a bad idea as it lands me to be ensnared by my sin. I am a weak vessel. I have no strength within me, but my pride tends to get in the way as it does us all I suppose. I need to be reminded just how weak I am. My strength and hope must be in Christ, His Word and in trusting in prayer. I confess that I have always been one overcome by worry, anxiety and depression. Ever since I was young, I have been one to be encompassed by these dark things. They still attack me and pull me down into the miry bog of Despond.
Writing allows me to express these feelings and thoughts. I know that I am not the only one in this world that battles such foes. So, I am here and back to use this blog to share my Pilgrim’s Progress. I look forward to sharing my thoughts and prayers with all.