“Destroy, O God, the dark guest within, whose hidden presence makes my life a hell.”
-Valley of Vision
The Dark Guest.
If one would look upon me physically, they would see a rather calm man, yet there is a war within and behind the physical exterior. A battle rages daily. A battle that takes place in the mind and heart. It is the battle against besetting sins. Sins that we face daily in our lives and will face until we are freed from this body. I long for that day when sin shall be vanquished, I long for it.
When I was young, I watched movies I should not have and when I entered the military, I was dwelling in pornography. It runs rampant in the military I must admit. It is everywhere. Once it gets into you mind, it forms your perspective and objectifies women. It is a sin that I wish I never came into contact with. It has been years since and now, I fight the images that remain in my mind. It is a daily fight that I must wage war against it. If I do not take the offensive, it takes ground and wants more. It is a sin that I know a lot of men fight and a lot of men fall too. Hence, why I don’t understand why there are “Christian” men who defend watching Game of Thrones. As a man, we hold onto those images, we simply do. We carry those images with us and then when our minds are idle, they emerge from the dark shadows of the mind. It leads forth to masturbation, and worse to adultery and so forth. It is a sin that rots the mind.
I have been reading Paul’s letter to the Romans and Romans 6:16 has been on my mind daily:
“Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or obedience resulting in righteousness?” – Romans 6:16
This sin is a slave driver. It enslaves the mind of the one it ensnares and I can speak with experience, it does. I daily fight the remaining remnant of this sin, its thoughts that come looking pleasurable and innocent, but are not. It is a daily fight for many of us who were ensnared. As the next verse says in Romans 6:17…”But thanks be to God”. Martin-Lloyd Jones once said, ‘Thanks God for the “buts” in the bible.” I am sinner, a great one at that but Christ is a greater Savior. There are times when I overlook that as I can wallow in the grief of my sin from time to time. I must not as that in and of itself is a sin. I often looked to myself for rescue and I have only found myself burying myself deeper into a hole that I can not escape. No, it is not my strength, but Christ’s and His alone.
I am not one of those happy-clappy Christians…I fight daily the ongoing attacks of sin. I want to be honest about it and not hide it. I am thankful for a loving and Godly wife who I can confide in daily and my church. I know that there are many of you, and men who daily fight this battle. Know that you are not alone in this fight. Know that we come to Altar of Grace, Jesus Christ. May we do so daily.